Why I Bought a Canada Goose

For clarification I am not referring to the bird, well I guess I kind of am. I’m referring to the bird whose feathers live inside the coat, The Canada Goose Coat.

WHO SPENDS $700 ON A WINTER COAT? WHOOOO? According to many, including trending hater twitter handles, Douches buy Canada Gooses.

I am a douche, who wears a Canada Goose.

Yes, me. Miss “if it ain’t $10 bucks I’m not interested”. Miss Gypsy who finds all the bargain basement deals, bought a Canada Goose coat… AND I DON’T REGRET IT ONE DAMN BIT.

I bought mine (Trillium style) at Wild Rock in Peterborough Ontario, and when I got to the checkout counter and the clerk said the total, I actually stopped breathing a little bit. It was merely seconds and then once the transaction transpired I felt committed and I was ok with it, great with it actually.

For three years I went into that store, tried on the friggin thing, looked at it and wished I could own it. I spent hours online admiring the different styles and colours, but I could not rationalize spending such an obscene amount of money on a coat.

I would buy two, three, sometimes four, $70 coats each winter to try to make up for it, do the math. Not so smart, and the coats were usually all crap. They were always too short for my damn torso, and cold, cold, cold.

I HATE BEING COLD, and I’M ALWAYS COLD.

I can honestly say my Canada Goose makes Canadian winters more tolerable for me. It’s not all roses though, there are downsides to owning a goose… so I thought I would make a list… I was going to sing it and dance it, but I’ll leave that to Fallon.

Good Things About Owning a Canada Goose Coat

1. It’s blissfully warm, like a beautiful soft duvet hugging you.
2. They fit great, they’re a big parka, but don’t make you look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
3. The hood is awesome, especially when you pump gas and forget your toque.
4. The side pockets are the best at arenas when you forget your mittens.
5. It covers your butt.
6. The mean girl in high school is totally jealous of your goose patch.

Not so Good Things About Owning a Canada Goose Coat

1. People think you are a douche.
2. You never ever want to coat check it.
3. If someone is smoking near you, you want to shoot them into space in a rocket so they don’t make your mortgage payment smell.
4. If your kid wipes his snotty nose on you, it can create quite a scene of lunatic behaviour… this is also true when you accidentally rub up against your filthy car… parking garages ARE THE WORST. THE WORST.
5. The thought of sending it to a dry cleaner in hopes it comes back in its perfect down condition may put you out on stress leave.
6. IT’S A MORTGAGE PAYMENT.

I think I want a blue one. The grey one is nice too. Maybe I could live in my douche coat, then I wouldn’t have a mortgage. #winning

MF