Would I Let My Tween Daughter Dye Her Hair?

I was recently getting my hair done for an event I was emceeing and one of the women in the salon asked me if I would let my daughter who is 12 dye her hair. 

I had a knee jerk answer of “NO”. 

My daughter has the most glorious hair, it’s thick, it’s wavy, and the colour is outstanding.  I wouldn’t want her to compromise her natural hair…says the mom who started coloring her hair when she was 14.

I think as parents we want our kids to not make the “mistakes” we made. We project our feelings and values onto them assuming their feelings are the same as ours. This is rarely the case.

To clarify, I don’t regret dying my hair, but I do think untouched aka non-dyed hair is stunning. 

For me, at age 14, colouring my hair was a great way for me to express myself at a time when so much of my life was changing, both physically and mentally. 

My Mom and Dad were pretty awesome about creative expression. They would always weigh in with their opinions but they usually let me make the final decision. 

I was devastated. I hated dolls. I hated figurines. I hated things that sat on a shelf that you dusted. To me, they served zero purpose and I couldn’t understand why anyone, even my mom would want such things. 

As I held the gift in my hand and the tears welled up in my eyes, I felt bad because I knew my mom really thought it was the best gift. She loved it. I hated it. I remember her saying you’ll love it one day. It still sits in HER curio cabinet. We joke often about it. 

My point is, our children are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. We have to respect that.  We have to follow their cues and listen to them at any age. 

The woman in the salon was stressing because her daughter, who’s also 12, wants to dye her hair but she doesn’t want her daughter to rush into growing up, because she feels she was rushed into growing up.  

It made me think, our kids are often ready for growth before we are ready to give them the space and freedom to grow.  Or vice versa, sometimes our kids aren’t ready for what we want them to be ready for (like going to bed without someone laying with them for AN HOUR!)

Being a tween and teenager is one of the most stressful times I can remember of my life.

I wouldn’t ever want to go back to that stage of life.  Now that I’m raising a tween, I really want her to feel safe to share her feelings with me. I want her to feel comfortable about her changing body. I want her to be compassionate to everyone around her, but we also need to parent her and set boundaries. 

This stage of parenting, just like all the others is hard. Each stage of parenting has its trials and celebrations. 

I do love asking my tween tips on how to better improve my YouTube Channel. I love sharing fashion tips with her. I love planning parties with her. I love watching her bloom into an independent free thinking woman. I love that she makes her own lunch.  I love that she babysits.  I love that she really contributes to household chores. But I also hate the mood swings and the “I have to have the latest whatever it is RIGHT NOW” mindset.

You all had great comments and insight. Most of you agreed, it’s just hair.  I think you are right, but it’s Dustin’s comment that resonated the most with me, “Find out WHY they want to dye their hair”.  You can read all the comments here:

Thanks for weighing in and sharing your thoughts! Raising kids is hard, I’m grateful that others have lived to tell the tale, especially my Mom:)

MF