MOOOMMMMM! I HATE SCHOOL. 

As your Facebook news feed continues to flood with happy pictures of kids going back to school, and your child screams and cries at the thought of going to school, know you are not alone.

For us, it usually began about a week before school started.  The whining, the inability to fall asleep, mood swings, just all around bitchy.

Stress often manifests as acting out or misbehaving.  Think of yourself.  If you have a deadline at work, a new boss or bills to pay,  your stress and worry turns you from Bruce Banner into the Hulk.  Our kids are the same, except they often don’t have the capacity to communicate their feelings. They don’t know that stress is the trigger. We lose our patience with their jerksauce behaviour because let’s be honest, their stress, stresses US!

You probably have to get to work, and you have a kid who’s writhing on the ground whining about how his socks feel and that he doesn’t wanna go to school.  We discipline the child for acting out and the snowball grows and grows and grows. Now the child is stressed about school AND you being mad and disappointed with him/her. He goes to school sad and angry and gets in trouble there too.

Good times.

It can get better. This year my “school hater” went to sleep the night before school started, woke up, got dressed, ON HIS OWN and gosh darn it, he got on the bus with no issue.

Why has it gotten better?  Age is a big factor.  Maturity to communicate feelings makes a BIG difference. I also have some tips to help the school hater and the school haters' parents. 1. Validate your child's feelings.  They don't need a lecture on how lucky they are to go school. They don't see that. Let them know that it is normal to be worried about school.  Sometimes you just want someone to say, "I bet you feel that way, and you are ALLOWED to feel that way." 2.  Relate to them. Share a story about yourself that shows you get worried too. You don't always like to go to work either. Share how nervous you were when you started your new job or school. Parents and adults are humans too, our kids often forget that. Even reminding them that the teacher may also be nervous helps too! 3.  Incentive.  There' s a grey area between incentive and bribery.  I think just like adults, kids need to have a goal; something to look forward to.  Maybe on Friday after the school week, they get to pick out a pack of Pokemon cards from Dollarama.  Maybe it's an hour of Minecraft after homework.  Maybe it's a donut in their lunch.  Think of it like an employee incentive, what will inspire them to get the job done? 4.  PATIENCE.  Just be patient, it will get better but you have to be consistent and surround yourself with support.  I can remember crying at my desk at work thinking about my sobbing kid that I just dropped off.  IT IS THE WORST FEELING.  I had one boss who would see my upset and was truly understanding.  It helped get through the day without needing a shot of tequila. 5.  COMMUNICATION.  Call the school. Call the teacher.  I used to be so scared to call or talk to the teacher because I thought I was bothering them, but I got over it.  It's my kid.  I don't care if I am bothering you, I need to know that my kid isn't sobbing in his classroom right now. I would phone around first recess and "check in". Writing this blog brings back so many memories of my poor struggling school hater. It broke my heart, and I assure you in a few more weeks he'll be struggling again.  The newness wears off and school is officially work again.  School is not designed for every kid, and that's ok.  Make sure if you do have a school hater, that they have something they're passionate about and nurture it.  Passion is fuel for success and if hockey or art or music is their passion, take care of it.  Getting good in one area will build the confidence to persevere in another area that isn't your favourite. Good luck parents and teachers. If you have any other great tips please share below for others to benefit from. I also suggest reading Hey Sigmund. She has great advice on managing anxiety, fear and worry in kids.

Remember, people only take happy pictures. You don't see the sad ones.

MF